East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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