dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
birth control should be required to get into college
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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