All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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