Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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