At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
