New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
