I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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