Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
