now i know why i became what i already was.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
