do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
