2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Nicole vs. Life
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
