I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
