woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
