We're facebook friends in real life
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
