he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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