Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
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I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
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You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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