Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
