maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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