I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
