So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
