I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
