We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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