New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
