We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
why does every cop we meet know your name?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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