You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Panties = found
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