these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
