planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
we're so committed to being not committed
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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