I can tuck mytits in my pants
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
