I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
