speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Help. Why am I so naked?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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