My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
