Just mADE A PArabola og urine
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
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