If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
