You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
do herpes really smell.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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