my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
