..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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