Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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