Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
