You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
