Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
