Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
