I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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