he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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