The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
