she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
