This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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