I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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