Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Randomize
