how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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