As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
