I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
