why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We left the knife in your bed.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
