yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
