Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Mom said you looked used
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
