she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
