I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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