They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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