I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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