And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
