I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize