Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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