Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
