i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
