i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
