Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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