did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
