I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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