Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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